Mommy eez can't believe that we all make it to the most anticipated year of Wawasan 2020. I still remember how we used to imagine that the year of 2020 will lead to the super-advanced flying cars, high-tech robots, enormous skyscrapers and whatnot.
I will turn 35 this year which make me realize that I might reach half way through of my life in this world. Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me more time to perform ibadah, being His humble servant and appreciate life as it is. I pray that Allah always put His mercy on me too at all times.
While most of my friends have achieved their success and/or are at the peak of their lives by this time, mine has a different story. It does not mean I am not happy of what I have now, but I believe Allah has a better plan for me.
After 5 years leaving my career behind, I learn what life is all about (and still continue learning as ilm/knowledge is infinity). There are ups and downs in my journey to find peace, happiness and sirotolmustaqim. I could see life in a bigger perspective now, insya Allah.
I used to be in a deep depression where I thought that nobody could ever help me out. After years of struggling, I realized that no matter what kind of situation that we are at that moment, either sad, lonely, depressed or too happy and too excited, never forget the One who provide us all. He didn't show Himself of course, but sometimes I can feel His presence by seeing His amazing creations all the times.
Throwback to 7 years ago, my journey started when I decided to fulfill my nazar. My nazar was to complete reading the Quran Tafsir if I scored the highest pointer in my matriculation year in KMNS. I didn't know where I got that crazy idea. It took me so many years before I had the courage to start reading it. My friend laughed at me and warned me that don't read the tafsir without a 'Guru'. Belajar tanpa guru macam belajar dengan syaitan katanya. I understood his concern but I just can't afford to have someone to teach me and I have constraint in terms of money and time. So, I decided to 'main redah je'.
I never thought the effort of reading the Quran Tafsir came with great obstacles. Time was always be my enemy and I struggled a lot to put my mind in full concentration when I was reading it. My life was soo hectic back then with never ending projects, office dramas, meeting people's expectations, dealing with unnecessary stress almost everyday and etc. I told myself if I can at least read 1 page per day, that would be such a victory for me. What I did was, I spent 5 mins reading in the morning at my work desk or if I can't make it, I make time during Zuhur and Asar prayers (dulu selalu gabung solat sebab sangat terkejar2 dengan masa =( ). I may not understand all the meanings of the ayat, but still there were some that very close to my heart and I felt it.
I never expect that I had improved myself bit by bit throughout the journey. Alhamdulillah.
Untill one fine day, Allah answered my doa at the time I was not ready. I never thought that was the best time for me to leave my career even though I WAS NOT READY. It took me years to accept the fact and to cope with expectations from people around me. IT WAS NOT A PLEASANT JOURNEY AT ALL. I believe that was the time I'd gone through my mid-life crisis. Hahaha~ Ye la.. I never imagined myself to get retired at the age of 29! But who knows that something that we dislike, may be something that is good for us, eventually.
So fast forward, here I am today. Still breathing. Still learning. Still hoping that someday I could read and feel the Quran as if I could be with it forever till hereafter. I enjoy learning about human history and eschatology. Surprisingly, Quran covers every inch of it. Yes, Allah has given me more time to spend to get to know HIM, to learn more about the Quran and the world. A GIFT that money can't buy.
Ahhhhhh at last dapat juga park my life journey with the Quran in this blog. Been wanting to do it for so long but I just can't get the right mood to start with. Tambah2 dah lama tak menulis in English so please ignore all the grammatical errors. I am not an expert.
So, hope we can succeed more in this year of 2020 even though most of us are aware that we are getting closer and closer to the end of the world. May Allah S.W.T. put His guidance on us and bless us in everything we do.
Aaaminnn.
Love,
Mommy EEZ
